To Fear is a Shame

This entry is a filler but also a reminder. Simple yet strong things come when they come. Each time I become confused I hope this entry will clear it all.

He was dark and short. He smelt like gutter water. He could not comprehend things easily. He could get easily distracted.On top of this, he always liked someone of the the other gender. He constantly dreamed about the love he could offer, make and also recieve "virtually".

He did not realise he was a potential human who could recreate magic his master performed. He simply did not allow himself to believe he was super good, handsome, intelligent and also INDIVIDUALLY talented.


Confusing isnt it? This is how we all paint ourselves in reality. We fail to be better fighters. We give up at some point not realising we could have done more. A major contributor is the fear of failure. A fear of failure and lonliness fogs our vision that could show who we truely are and how strong we could become. This is sad but true.
We instead focus on things that could not give us much in return. We behave like cowards and get emotional, ultimately making wrong decisions.

How are winners admired? Quite a comprehendable answer...They did act as real fighters at some point to get where they are now.
This is simple and straight forward to understand aint it?
I wish I had a switch to explicitly control the speed of chaos creation in my mind. Oh I do have a switch - my mind by itself. So pathetic isnt it?
All the confused people shall recognize how confused I seem, yet comprehend my message clearly.

" Yesterday I dared to struggle, today I dare to win."

-- Bernadette Devlin

Losing is another chance to win better. Fear is a hurdle that makes us stronger. What doesnt kill us makes us stronger. Taking a chance to keep trying doesnt cost much.
Good luck to the fighter in me and all those who read this entry, :)
cheers,

Karthika

One Strong Shot for Strength and Courage without Confusion

Today's post is posted after a long time.Lots of changes and many journeys. New place,new people,new life and new ME!

Dear GOD,

I have penned many a prayers to you, emoted in a lot of ways. But its all for the same result. Give me what i wish for.I lost all insight of my intelligence and the path I had to take this life. Moving away from mother,Home and yourself hits hard especially all of your inside. Survival for the self is the need of the hour. It doesnt matter about survival of the fittest!

One little problem to solve and I feel a whole world crashing in front of me. Where did i forget myself God??

I was so engrossed in simple complications that wound around me making me blind. Life is always tough isnt it? You still give me the solution which i look for in the end near me.Paulo Coelho was not wrong!! You are ready to help me if only I look around myself. Fear seemed to have clearly crushed me making me blind deaf and senseless that I dont look through this entry. Yes Im confused to the extent of not seeing happiness in simple things. Great things are expected of me to achieve. Please keep pushing me and make me survive through the toughest of storms i see may come. I still have no foresight of my bravery or sensibility which i lost on the way here. Oh dear God this too shall pass , i hear someone tell me. I see no reason for me to be under qualified for this test. I feel like the sharks shall eat me anytime. Helplessness fear and anxiety at its heights! Will you or oh yeah ...you are there always beside me. I asked for this but I dint know what it was. I still feel I could do it. If i cant do this,whatelse can I do? Days of more fear or struggle shall come and go! Will you or oh yeah..you will be there beside me. I know I shall be more strong,more awake and more matured to deal more than before to do this.What has gone wrong? Just me isnt it? Wake me and kick me hard to look harder for the answers! I know your testing me is another way of kissing my forehead. But make sure I stay together compact to see another of your brighter days!

thank you for making google create this blog God! and Dont move away from me!! :)

love you

-

Karthika Raghavan

Strong flavored episodes of life

1. He was stronger, more vigilant and tougher than his peers. Someone called his name from a distance. The sting in his forearm was more than sufficient to make him immobile. Blood oozing from the right thigh was making his pants wet. A swollen ankle made no more difference. He remembered her face when she fed him mouthful of food. She had many a times smiled and shouted too. She never said she loved him but she could not simply live without him. He whispered with his lips moving in a meager manner,
" Ma, I need to save your life, so i will live through this..."

2. The doctors had warned her of the complications. An unfaithful husband to live with may not sound promising but a life to save seemed more desperate. From the morning her hips and spine had seemed to poke her with sharp stabs and the intensity increased by the hour. When trying to reach her husband she only received a female voice that informed of his flight to another city. She sat on the bed and breathed heavily for a few seconds trying to think of only getting the tiny life out safely. After managing inform 911 about it, she prayed to god in a mute voice,
" If the baby comes out safely i swear to donate my ovary to a needy"

3. The young woman saw the flight leave from her terrace. They had enjoyed much together and it all happened in a whim. Nothing made sense till the day she was informed of the selfish plans. No one to trust and nothing to believe in. Her idol guy through high school left for an overseas study program that she had always dreamed of. Not that she was jealous, but sometimes tough periods of struggle made life more strenuous with hurdles rising tall. She had major commitments with loved ones making her stationary. It was then the quivering insides broke out and made her feel some truth,
" What God intends for you is more than your dreams, wait to see the light"

4. He had lost again the game again. It was not the losing part but the confidence it generated within him. The whole world around him sympathized but it only thought of him otherwise. The worst was the passion that never diminished within him,urging him to see and experience the heights well above his capacity. It taught him more than he realized making his journey worthy and vibrant. The public burns dint pain but the assumptions and the short falls he faced in reality kept kicking his gut. That's when he read in a book,
" Without failure success is less significant and more boring!"

This is for all those souls who has had pit falls and tasted sour flavors more than other flavors.
Life can never be the bed of roses as it is hallucinated to be, well if it did I sympathize those who never enjoyed concurrent failures.
--
Karthika Raghavan.

To Condone or Condemn?

This is an intense period of remorse i guess. Bad times are definitely defined by it. Today marks a milestone in it. I never never want this day in my life again Believe me!!! I spoke too much as a daughter to my lovely dad. I wish not to wake up and look into those lost eyes again. He never spoke back when i shot angry questions at him. I guess the sins earned today can set an unbeatable record in my karma account. May be I know and all know that he is a rough steep and angry man but actually the softest of tissues lies beneath all that hastiness in him. I wish to ask " I'm sorry dad", though i know my bloody go to hell ego would not do it immediately! This thread is not to evaluate my English skills or boast on my humility. I feel like the fragile weed lost in the sea after the harangue and I definitely would wish for a better life for you.
Many days I have behaved like a ear-less being when you opened your mouth to me. Deep inside i always love dad as good as mom. I know you have tried to be caring and loving to me.But the same hastiness persisting inside is posing as an affectation in me to avoid you.
May be when i stand really on my own leg I'll prove to be that smiling daughter you expect.
You always are the epitome of hard work in my life and noone can replace the Hercules i see in you! :)
I'm lucky to have you and mom as the best parents and also a great supportive brother at the end of the day. God bless you guys with the best of health, wealth and abominable LUCK!

Hey all of you readers if you feel I'm still a bottle full of emotion, here is the reply!
"look at your family before going to hell! " :)
cheers & lots of love to all
Karthika

Om Namo Narayanaya Namaha

He has always been there wherever we all went. He does define the meaning of Omniscient doesn't he?
Did you all know this happens?.....

The azure was brighter than before and more cloudless. A black rock stood silently waiting for its occupant to land. A little later, may be aeons later on earth! A distant swishy sound grew louder as the majestic king of Aquiline clan gliding down to the earth carrying his better half on him, landed on the rock .The sight could be etched in a humane brain for eternity. The Lord known as "Parandhama" lovingly smiled seeing his creation. It always seemed new every time though they every basically redundant. His scions who blindly existed for him must return to his home! Garuda waited for the Lord's instruction like the tongue working for the brain.
He has come down to repeat his patriarch duty and most importantly he will always keep doing it.

Parandhama has a face that showed nothing except the copious void yet the ultimate master of all for those who recognized him. Thousands have praised him for just him and everything he was, although it could never satiate the thirst to know HIM. How could one describe entirely of an abounding, eternal extant?

Oh Lord,wishing that you forgive this irremissble soul,grant me a vision forever that is filled by YOU,YOU and just YOU!

From a meager lover down somewhere, probably nowhere, Appa!
Om Namo Narayanaya Namaha

Learning to TRUST before a Fall...

A chord started shaking when I saw the vast expanse lie ahead ,but sensing your presence behind a strength tighten me back to normalcy.

I'm gifted to have seen the light at every dark tunnel and smelt the fragrance of your flowers when I was near the gutters.

I felt a power the self holds when i look into your eyes and it woke me to face the brightest of the mornings .

When everything around me turned mute I still managed to hear just your voice which always sings of hope and colors painted ahead of me.

With all these signs around me I still trust You to catch me as i stand at the brink on the cliff of my life!


“What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine.”

- Oprah Winfrey

Karthika

An Omniscient Addressee

The words addressed to Him...

1. "Oh lord...let me win this time alone...i have to show the world what I'm capable of!",said the sportsman.
2."Help me get through this interview.Its my only chance..my GOD!!!...im freaking out",said the woman.
3."My dear God i want mummy to get me a candy...just one...just this time...please?.. :)", said the toddler....
4."I should get the first mark ...i should get the first mark.....it should be ME....",said the student
5."I want to meet my partner as soon as possible.oh god!...please let her be beautiful!", said the young man.
6."Hope she gets out of the sickness very soon.Oh lord i dont want her to suffer",said the worried mother.
7."98 thousand....99 thousand.....let more and more votes come in....Lord save me!",said the sweating politician.
8."He loves me...he loves me not...he loves me....he must love me!..sweet heavens!!!! make him love me!"said the desperate young lover.
9."Cant the day get any better?....God let hell burn down!...why do i suffer for just one dollar...?"said the begger
10."I wish I could write this entry better!....is it interesting God?.."says Me . ;)

And down came the shower of hope in times of despondence,with letters flying up eternally!

One of my Favorite Videos....

hey....after a long time i guess...Now im going to post a video...for all those tamilians out there see this one.Its a classiq tamil song by Gemini Ganesan and from the movie Sumaithangi and sung by the famous P.B. Sreenivasan...
enjoy it!?!

Karthika.

Deep SILENCE is always preceeded by...
an enraging storm!?!

A happy family...

The menage i called it...
They smiled for that picture to be shot!
Mine was,is and will be one too always...
growing up in a tight bound family was the reality!
mum never laid the rules...
she repeatedly said,"this is the way".
Im happy MOTHER,no regrets...

seeing her as i hid behind the door...
mutely crying wishing her kids had better life
many a times i wished to bring a million dollars home...
Just to see her smile and be happy!
but again as ever she told me...
"Life is not about money honey...
but oneness and harmony."
Im happy MOTHER,no regrets.

The only souls id say who will turn back...
when i laugh,cry and win in the end!
ive seen you make ends meet...planning,
strategies over night to get us bread next day
those lifeless days you spent yet smiling at me,
ive seen you never tired to face everyday,
Even as the colosseum stood in front of us,
Im happy FATHER,no regrets.

As I grew up with fine brewing...
Im indebted to your selfless souls for it...
i warned the HIGHNESS above,
"Hey you better keep them happy..."
Sometimes even issued a notice to even kill HIM!
i bow to you for many a things in my life...
the d-days i caused trouble to shake you up.
Some words are unspoken unleft...
We cant undo them but i wish to makeup...
Im happy FATHER,no regrets.

Time flies and days run as i grow...
We dont sit to count it anymore,
Yet wish me luck for my errand to complete
"Shhhh", i wont say what or why i run it...
Just a clue for you to guess it.
As they say SPECIAL things come in small packages,
You both are my special package but...
I have to return something to you!
Just bear with me simply as before.
Im trying to show you a light you may like,
similiar to the delirium you showered me once...
Till my last breathe id always say
IM HAPPY, MOTHER and FATHER...NO REGRETS!:)

love,
karthika

Big returns

Some things are meant to happen,
Somethings are not,
Whose fault is it anyway?
You know u make a mistake,
And you do it still because your heart says,
When i got hitched to him,
Love was all red and pink,
With a lining of black at the back,

He always used to ask me,
"Darling shall I reside or...?"
As though i held him with a tight chord!
And finally not caring to turn back,
He left without a note to bid a say,
I thought,"Dint that toddler remind you?"
The best answer i got was not a reply...
I thought you loved me for a long time,
But time is a healer and im passing it.

But the tide is back when i found her missing,
Not at school not at play today,
But a note from the neighbours,
Which i hold with my shivering hands...
I scream aloud mutely,
hating to read that handwriting i knew long before,

"Like i dont care for you and her,
Why should i say even this
I thought you knew it
BE BACK FOREVER..."

Why this return journey and where to?
In the road of love trust and my life
Im going blind deaf and tongue tied,
I shall not return to my peregrination this time,
Atleast i hope to hope on him for a while
And I wish it would be for eternity!

Existance filled to the half...

"Birdy...Birdy!?!"...i called,she dint reply.
Since morning she was missing...
i grew,cared,fed and nutured her like mine.
Shes fair and has a blackish brown beak!
A rarity indeed...Fate gifted me Birdy two years back...
She grew in front of me like a toddler,
A form of gladden to me at times of remorse...
Her very own voice brought sweetness to me,
Birdy was a RELIC of her lot...
And now i know she scramed me...but for a while only...
For i dont know...i seem half alive only without her...
"Oh Birdy please be back before i secede into the air! "
I asked my bunch how theirs were doing?
A well to do girl replied,"Ohh mine is fine...
You know i bought him a gold brooch yesterday..."
Another said,"Oh i dont have one...mother is allergic to it...
we simply cant have it at home!"
Thats how they saw it all...
As i think of birdy the way i breathe...
I dint starve her a single day...though i fasted.
I gave her all i had...And i still think what botch i did,
"Oh birdy please excuse me...be back..."
Il retread what i may have done...
I fancied u adored me too..."Is that a big delictum birdy?"
it pains to go a path without you...
when I thought i saw u in the sky then,i realised...
Blind love covered to even differentiate my dream and reality.
My boat is sinking in your truancy...
i hold on and im waiting till i reside...
i see and i know that ul retreat to me...one day
And that day we ll be together..."oh Birdy be back!!!"

True saying

"when these two clear the star dust of ignorance from their souls........ only they can claim what happines they ever had...... when they were housed on the star of destiny a long time ago"

my friend's words...true to this date...

Karthika